who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
