you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
