can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
