Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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