Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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