Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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