You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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