I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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