I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
