it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
