i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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