I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
