Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize