Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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