oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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