Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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