the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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