Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
