I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
