He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize