I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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