i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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