he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
why do cheetos always look like penises
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
