this boner is exhausting
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
