Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
