they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Text me some of your sweat
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
