yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
