I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
