A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
