What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
