Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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