So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
