You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
