I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
