Quick, to the slutcave!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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