whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
