Im at strip club and am horny
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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