never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
