Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
