I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
