my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
