Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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