help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
