Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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