i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
