I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
