Don't you send me to vm
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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