His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
