One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize