Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
