final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
