I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
