I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
