I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize