I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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