Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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