Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The uberlube is also flammable
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
