I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
