My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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