Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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