before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize