so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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