I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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